Kylie. New York. 18.
This is strictly a personal blog. I don't reblog here, instead I vent, I write, and I don't worry about who reads it because, honestly no one really does. If you happen to stumble upon this, you're of course free to read. However, keep in mind that what I write here is completely unrestrained. I say exactly what I feel, no matter how inappropriate, mean, rude, or spiteful it may be. It's uncensored and does not play by society's rules, and that's the way it was meant to be.
It really is crazy how much I miss him.
I feel like miss can’t even be the right word, since we honestly never spent that much time together.
I think it’s just the feeling of knowing. Knowing you should be together, be having adventures and plunging into eachother’s souls and not being able to have that connection.
We talk and it gives us a glimpse. I slight view into what things would be like if we were here together.
I smile so wide. I see him and wish I could touch him. Just brush up against him.
I want him here. For good. To be mine.
These drunken thoughts.
But mine, in this present moment.
To be laughed at by tomorrow.
Written though to remember and recall this moment of serene yet heartache.
That day at EForest.
The best day.
Laying around, looking at each other.
Seeing each other.
Wanting each other.
Those are the days I want back.
My theory is there’s so many dumb people today simply because odds and evolution. Longer back, the smarter people had a higher success at first at surviving and later on at reproducing, sot those genes were passed down. However, later on, it became less important of how smart you are when reproducing. This would cause an increase of the amount of people with stupid genes. Also it’d be the generally least smart people having the most amount of kids, and is still that way today.
It’s amazing how much those messages make me smile
I went to Cooperstown for the weekend with Matt Rhodin to visit Emilie Rigby. Matt and I were running on about 4 hours of sleep because we had drank the night before at the bar then at Matt’s, and ended up staying up until about 4 (which Matt got reemed about by his landlord in front of everyone the next morning.)
We headed out around 10 or 11, and I decided to take back roads there instead of the dreaded 90. It was such a beautiful day with sun and blue skies, with nice little puffy clouds everywhere. Though we were running on little sleep I still felt fantastic and somehow very energized. We talked pretty much the entire way and it was a very enjoyable ride.
We found our way to Emilies easily and arrived at her parent’s house, which was absolutely incredible. There we met Emilie’s friend Alex and decided to go Ommegang Brewery.
We stopped at Alex’s lake house first to get Emilie’s wallet and ended up staying there a little while and took a little swim. We met Alex’s dog Aiko who I fell in love with! He’s the cutest border collie I ever did see.
Next we went to Ommegang, had some fantastic beer, and ate some amazing food. Then we walked up to the grasses hillside and I sat while the 3 of them tossed around a frisbee (still on crutches at this point.)
Next we headed back to Alex’s house where I played fetch with Aiko for a solid 3 hours, at least! He just has so much energy it’s nuts. We hung around there for a while then headed to Emilie’s parent’s house. There we ended up having dinner with Emilie’s super nice parents, then finally we headed out to Emilie’s lake house, though a bit later than planned.
Emilie’s lake house is incredible! There’s a GIANT gorgeous window that covers the entire far wall that faces the lake so you have this amazing view. There we met Emilie’s other friend Josh then later her other friend Peter. Alex had stayed back at his house. There we relaxed and drank beers and laughed and had lots of fun! We played cards against humanities for a while, then a short but fun game of stumps, then went down to the fire. I went and looked at the stars for a while- they were seriously amazing. Then I joined them at the fire and entered my new favorite game, S’Kay. It’s basically fire jenga. We sat around the fire for quite a while, had some good talks that gravitated towards sex which was funny. Matt ended up throwing up, and I did later that night because of the stinkin wine. We ended up having a cuddle puddle (Matt, Emilie and I) though I insisted Emilie be in the middle to avoid being next to Matt.
The next day we moseyed around camp slowly. Matt got ready to leave to bike to Little Falls for his climbing trip and we all slowly cleaned the place up. After Matt and Josh left (Peter had left early that morning for work,) Emilie took out the kayaks and paddled over about a mile to an island where we hung out for a bit. We very slowly kayaked back, mainly floating and talking.
Once we got back to the house we decided to head over to Emilie’s parent’s house since they’d want to see her since it was her birthday and all. There we played in her backyard with her dog Effy for the rest of the time and looked at plants and she showed me a bunch of edible ones! Eventually I had to get going so I could pick up Matt at Little Falls and head home.
Overall it was a very relaxing weekend with absolutely beautiful weather and great company!
It’s been a nice few weeks with Chris, but now I don’t want him to leave. I knew when he was leaving when it started so it’s come at no surprise. I’ve grown to really enjoy his presence and I’m going to miss it once it’s gone. It’s not so bad though, it’s not like I fell for him hard.
I went to Keuka Lake the other day with Matt, Nico, Lauren, Henry, Queso, and Pedro. We stayed at Matt’s uncle’s cottage and just relaxed the entire day. We drank some beers, went swimming, and since I brought my paints we did that for a while. After a while we left to go meet up with Brenda at her old landlord’s parent’s place. This place is incredible. They’ve turned this farm into a giant garden, acres big with a pond, hedge maze, bell garden, and statues everywhere. Jake, the son of the estate’s owner and Brenda’s, Pedro’s, and Henry’s landlord was having a bonfire which is what we were attending. There was only a few other people there so we had the whole place to ourselves. We drank lots of beer and sat around the fire, and actually ended up staying up all night. Well Jake, Matt, Nico, Lauren and I did. It’s been a while since I’d been able to see the sunrise. The fire was right next to this old stone tower that we watched the sunrise from. It was beautiful. The next morning we went to get breakfast before going home and crashing.
Yesterday was beautiful out so I crutched to Thornden and made friends with many bugs, including one adorable big inch worm I named Bonnie. Chris came and joined me and we just laid in the shade for hours reading and such, all the while swatting away the many many ants. Then we ran an errand to Middle Ages to get a growler filled and do some tastings, and then we dropped it off at Polar’s place. While doing that we ran into Pedro who reminded us that it was Wing night that night. Which was great because we were just about to go to Alto Cinco for dinner. So instead we went and chilled on Chris’s porch for a while then headed out to Shifties for Wing night. The wings were amazing! First it was just Queso and his girlfriend, and Pedro, Chris and I. Then Queso and his girlfriend left and then a bunch more people came. James came, and Harry, ‘Ally, Polar, Matt, Nico, and Gritz. I also ran into City Joe there. He gave me a birthday present of 3 tabs of acid too which was an unexpected surprise! Though it’s always sad seeing him because he reminds me how he’s going down the right path. Doing nitrous now apparently. But anyways I got nice little drunk and had really delicious wings and kissed Chris for a little bit before going home, where unfortunately I had to spend the night alone since I had a doctors appointment early the next morning.
First off, I love when I can start doing this again, making posts about my day. This means I have days worth remembering, and what a beautiful feeling it is to be having these again.
Today I woke up with a text from Yax and Nate asking if I wanted to go to the farmers market. Though I woke up too late for that, I did wake up in time to go on a picnic at Jamesville beach. We had amazing grilled sandwiches, laid in the sun and worked on some art. When we got back we got some tequila and drank tequila sunrises for a while, getting nice and tipsy. Getting drunk and feeling once again like a third wheel, I invited Chris over. We drank some more, took some shots then went to see the new X men movie. We also had a ridiculous cab driver who gave no fucks whatsoever.
Then we got back and had a nice kiss with Chris and here I am, ready to lay my head down in preparation for another beautiful day at Thornden, where I believe I’ll be seeing Matt and probably Chris.
Ah, life is good.